Wait… What Happened?!

 

 

I started a blog with the intention of blogging weekly. I blogged weekly for two weeks then… crickets.

Excuse? Holidays and me? I’m not even sure this is an excuse. It is called cutting the fat. It’s called survival for all. No one in my family is a fan of me during the holiday season, including me, so anything I can do I do not flip the fuck out and take our fake Christmas tree and drown it in the shallow end of our pond is what I do to survive.

Also, I somehow thought that February was a significant time past Thanksgiving to do a weekend-long retreat, and yet when you count weekends and throw in a few show choir events, volleyball tournaments, a quick, or really not so quick, get away with the hubs for his 50th birthday, and well… life and what do you have?!! A lot of nothing and your accountability person, (yes, I’m talking about you Sydney!) BEGGING you to write a damn blog post!

Let’s be very clear… these are excuses. I want to wrap them in a package of boundaries but these are excuses.

I have been terrified, in the past to really dive into this ‘success’ thing. Yeah, that’s right I’m going back, like WAY back to January where I talked about maybe doing that 1Year 1Fear thing again and finding out WHAT it is that I am afraid of and what my ‘fear’ of the year will be for 2025.

It wouldn’t be a ‘Cara Flynn experience’ if I didn’t derail and talk myself into a circle that only I will understand the wrap around so here we go! Buckle up friends because who knows where we are going to come out on the other side!

Last year I was supposed to do a recording/MY interview with Becky Schmooke. For some reason, it wasn’t sitting well with me. For the record, it wasn’t a Becky thing, it was a ME thing. Once I was finally able to put words to it, I let her know that it wasn’t the time for my interview. I assumed that was the end of that story. FINI!

Come to find out Becky is Becky, and I say this with love. She called bullshit on me and asked for a chat. Now, I’m not sure that Becky knows all of the words I’m about ready to vomit so…. Sorry, not sorry, Becky!! I put most of the blame at your feet anyway, and as challenging as it has been to live in my head, I am forever grateful.

First and foremost my thought was, why won’t this wild goat lady just let this interview go?! I mean, I’m sick of hearing myself talk! I can’t imagine how the rest of the world that is choosing to listen to me must feel, but if she is THIS passionate about it, then I probably should hear her out. I have learned over the past 47 years that I really only know a handful of things and it is best to listen when people have something to say; you never know when it might be the little nugget of wisdom that turns into a deep vault of knowledge. And if it ends up being bullshit, it can just run out the other ear with all of the other shit I have forgotten over the years.

So, I got on the phone with Becky, and here are the notes I wrote after our conversation and the gist of what Becky had to say to me.

‘Cara, I want you to have the story of this podcast, of what you have experienced, of how you have changed, of how you see the world differently. I want you to reflect on how far you have come and I want you to challenge yourself to see how far you can go. THEN I want you to do that OVER and OVER again. You talk about fear, what have YOU learned about FEAR?! Tell us. Tell yourself. Be the expert. Stop playing so damn small and see what you can be and what this podcast can be if you would just get out of your own way… do this by examining it! Sit with it. Talk about it. Do the interview this year, then do it again, and again. Stop with the rules that you have set before. DON’T GET STUCK.’

SHIT. (Yes, that is a full sentence and maybe a full paragraph, and after those notes and that conversation I would even go as far as to say that word could have been a full blog post, but I think that may have been taking it too far.)

Thanks Becky. And if that phone conversation wasn’t enough of a challenge. I said yes, and we recorded. She busted me left and right… and she was nice about it, I KNEW she was playing nice when she really really really wanted to get in there and get after it.

I don’t remember how many days passed and we chatted again. She didn’t love where the recording had gone, but I was flying high!

She was a ballbuster and I knew she had gone easy on me. AND… she unlocked something in me! I could see it. I could see how I had gotten complacent. I had set ‘rules’ for the podcast that didn’t necessarily need to be there. I had stopped being creative. I had stopped playing. Even though I loved each interview I wandered a little away from where I wanted to be with the podcast, with Beyond Barriers, in my own life.

I had stopped practicing FEAR. I was living and operating in safe spaces, and although it is beautiful being there, I know that to live that BOLD life that I so desire. To keep my world BIG to find that SUCCESS that I desire I know that that life comes with being uncomfortable at times, it comes with addressing my fears, leaning into them… ONE AT A TIME.

So, here I am. Beginning my year of fear. My year of success. I see some very big ideas on the horizon and everything in me is telling me they are for someone else, for someone bigger than me, stronger than me, more educated than me, younger than me, wiser than me, someone that is just NOT ME… but… my year of fear is here and it is ME saying that those ideas ARE FOR ME.

Well… it’s time for me to wrap this one up. I have a weekend of volleyball ahead of me. For the record… even though my butt hates the bleachers I secretly LOVE watching volleyball. It is so flipping intense! I barely breathe during the games and am totally a crazy volleyball mom who has to pull her shit together before the 14-year-old gets off the court, good or bad, because I feel SO intensely about these games! For 25 points it is NOT win or lose it’s how we play the game, it is WIN… OMG… who am I?!! And before you all roast me ALL of these thoughts and feelings are mostly kept deep inside my body and only kind of escape here and there as a spectator and NEVER in a harmful manner!! My god I love and hate this sport so much!

Cheer and Beware the Ides of March! (Written March 15th)

P.S. and in case it isn’t clear…

I think Becky Schmooke is a phenomenal human and is designed to her core for leadership! I was granted an amazing opportunity, more than once, to get the chance to work through some challenging thoughts and ideas that have opened up great opportunities that I feel empowered to pursue! I am grateful for my time with her each and every time and hope that she never takes it easy on me again.

P.S.S… Becky has a book and you need it!! Available on Amazon so order it TODAY, and NO she did not pay me, or even ask me, or even knows, that I am writing this blog post about her and sharing her book with you! ’Choose the Handle That Holds’